I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
