I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
