one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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