I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
