Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
