Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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