i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
