Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
