lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
