just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
