wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
