I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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