Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize