there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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