I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
