Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
They have beer where we have blood.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
