We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
