I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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