Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
