No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
