Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
