YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
