No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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