Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
