Are we in a gay sports bar?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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