god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
