if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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