she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
