So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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