well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
