If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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