I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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