if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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