Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
