I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize