Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
