Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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