my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
where am i from again
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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