Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Found the puke drawer
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You pole danced in your parka.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
