After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
