My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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