in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
