I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Did I show you my penis last night?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
