i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize