if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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