Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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