Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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