sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
