Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
