When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
