I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
