I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
