It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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