He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
