i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
