Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
