Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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