but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He? As in you personified your dick?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
