My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
