OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
