I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
