She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
