worst night to have a conscience
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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