"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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