If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
