Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
