Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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